I recently spent a large amount of time with one of my favorite people on earth, my 95-year-old grandmother. In her thirties, she had a tumor removed from her thyroid, and the doctor accidentally cut a nerve, which led to a tracheostomy. I have watched her place her pointer finger over her trach and speak in a quiet voice my entire life. However, it was not until a week ago that I thought about how that impacted her 30-year teaching career.
When I asked, her response was not about her; it was words of wisdom for all adults, “I immediately learned that we speak too much.” She shared that she had a little microphone and would tap on it with her finger when she needed to speak; all the children would stop and listen while she whispered out as few words as necessary. She said she started using a lot of pointing, tapping on shoulders, visual aids, prepared activities, etc. My grandmother also noticed that when she stopped talking, the students spoke more. They were more involved and shared more information.
It hurts my grandmother to talk, so she mastered the art of choosing her words carefully. I think this is the reason she is my favorite. When I was a child and teenager, she always listened to me go on and on without jumping in to tell me that my dreams or ideas were unrealistic. I learned the most about myself in my conversations with her because I often realized how ridiculous I sounded. This conversation reminded me of the book, “Quiet” by Susan Cain and how we can apply the insights and knowledge from both women to assist in parenting.
1. Talk less, move more. Do not just tell your child to do something; go and do it with them. They do not need you to lecture or repeat yourself. They need your help and presence.
2. Use visual aids. Do more than just talk. Help your children with visuals (family calendars, chore charts, etc).
3. Be prepared. Think through how to help your children learn something with more than just your words. If you want to work on kindness, take them to do kind things. Talk is cheap and easy to forget. Taking the time to do intentional lessons with your children is time-consuming but life-changing.
4. Invite everyone to come to the family meeting prepared. In “Quiet”, Cain explained that research does not support the efficacy of all group meetings. Group meetings are only successful when you ask people to come prepared with solutions to a problem. For example, “We all are spending too much time on electronics. We will meet on Thursday at 5 pm, and everyone needs to come up with some ideas to help us all set healthy limits.”
5. We do not all do well with the same level of noise and stimulation. Some children, just like some adults, need time and quiet to think clearly. Your child may truly not be able to answer the questions you are asking them. Try asking the questions and then setting a time to meet with them again for the answers.
Dr. Beth Long received her education in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Beth has worked in six unique clinical environments across the country and currently owns Works of Wonder Therapy in Montgomery. Beth utilizes the knowledge from a variety of different disciplines to give her patients the best care possible. To learn more visit www.worksofwondertherapy.com.
