Thinking About Video Game Violence

Once school is out, many kids turn to video games to fill their extra free time.    Unfortunately, deciding which games are unacceptable has the potential to create family conflict not only between parents and kids, but also between spouses.  One Harris poll found that mothers were much more likely than fathers to make rules about video games, perhaps because they were less likely to be gamers themselves. 

Many gamers believe that violent video games can be a healthy outlet for aggressive feelings.  They point out that during the twenty years when video games have been popular, the rate of violent crime has actually decreased.  Although it’s true that most gamers do not become criminals, it is also true that these decades have seen a rise in other types of aggression including bullying.

Dr. Craig Anderson, Director of the Center for the Study of Violence, in Ames, Iowa, believes the link between video games and aggression is indisputable.  After analyzing 130 research studies, he found conclusive evidence that exposure to video game violence increases both aggressive thinking and behavior and reduces empathy and kindness. “All games teach something,” Anderson observes, “and that ‘something’ depends upon what they require the player to practice.”

At the same time, violence turns out to be surprisingly hard to define.  Is it harmful to have an avatar that slays dragons with a sword?  Is it damaging to pretend to be a football player who flattens another player?  What’s the effect of taking the point of view of a soldier shooting enemy combatants?

Obviously, the rules that make sense for video game violence change as children mature.  For kids under 12 who are still developing a sense of right and wrong, it makes sense to exercise tight control.  Seek out games that have educational value and, whenever possible, pro-social values. The non-violent games section of  is a good place to start.

Around middle school, many children, especially boys, will lobby hard to play games that are popular with their friends.   Although it’s tempting to ban certain games, that approach doesn’t necessarily give your son the tools he’ll need to evaluate games he encounters at the homes of friends or, eventually, in a college dorm room.

Instead, talk to your child about what he or she hopes to get from the game he wants to play.  A sense of comraderie with friends? The thrill of doing something forbidden? The challenge of conquering difficult obstacles?   Have your child make a case for why the game is a good way to spend free time.

Then express your own concerns, being as specific as possible about why a particular game worries you.  Does the game endorse gang culture or criminal behavior?   Promote use of drugs and alcohol?  Include language that is coarse or obscene?  Encourage disrespect toward women or minorities?  Include  violence that is unnecessarily brutal or gratuitous?

Talking through these issues won’t be easy and, in the end, you are likely to decide that certain games have no place in your home.  Still, research suggests that the conversations are worthwhile because they help young people think critically about the content of video games and that, in turn, makes them less susceptible to their influences.

Here are other things parents can do at every age.

Play games together when you can.  If you aren’t a natural gamer, let your child walk you through the game.  Pay attention to things that are constructive—cooperation among players to get to a goal, strategic thinking, coordination.  Notice the effect that the game has on your child.  Does he or she become animated, aggressive, confident, withdrawn?

Use ESRB ratings.  They aren’t perfect, but they will protect kids from some of the most violent games.  (For an explanation of the ratings, visit  Supplement the ratings by talking to other parents and reading reviews from organizations that respect the values you are trying to instill in your children. Doubting a certain game? Rent before you buy.

Teach healthy conflict resolution.  From a young age, help your child express feelings and develop empathy for the feelings of others.  Actively encourage your kids to resolve disagreements through creative compromise.  Teach them how to release anger and frustration without violence.  If your child is having trouble resolving conflicts peaceably in real life, restrict access to video games.

Enforce time limits.  Research suggests that the aggressive spill-over from video games is less serious when kids have the self-discipline to step away from the game. Help your child develop that kind of self-control by establishing time limits for video games. If necessary, enforce the rules with parental controls.

Finally, it’s important to remember that the powerful teaching capabilities of video games can be enlisted to promote cooperation and goodwill instead of aggression and mayhem.  At Screenagers, they’ve compiled a list of ten games that provide a great gaming experience without a lot of gore (  If parents can encourage video game companies to develop more games like that, everyone in the family will be happy!


Carolyn Jabs, M.A., has been writing the Growing Up Online column for ten year. She is also the author of Cooperative Wisdom: Bringing People Together When Things Fall Apart.  Available at Amazon and Cooperative  @ Copyright, 2017, Carolyn Jabs.  All rights reserved.

Carolyn Jabs

Carolyn Jabs, M.A., raised three computer savvy kids including one with special needs. She has been writing Growing Up Online for ten years and is working on a book about constructive responses to conflict. Visit to read other columns. @ Copyright, 2016, Carolyn Jabs. All rights reserved.