Is There a Cure for Lying?

Parents of children who habitually lie can breathe a huge sigh of relief – The New York Times says that budding Pinocchios are more intelligent than kids who tell the truth (“Is Your Child Lying to You? That’s Good,” Alex Stone, January 5, 2018). The Grey Lady’s announcement is based on studies done in the 1980s in which young children who disobeyed an instruction and then denied having disobeyed were discovered to have higher IQs than those who admitted disobedience. A subsequent study found that most adults cannot tell when children are lying, a finding that seems – on the surface, at least – to confirm the previous study.

The question, of course, becomes: Does perfecting the art of lying make a child smarter or does being smart lend itself to lying? Which comes first, dishonesty or a high IQ? Your author will not attempt to unravel that puzzle. I will, however, mention that people who habitually lie are known as sociopaths. As adults, a fair number of them spend time in prison for doing such things as embezzling from their employers or conning elderly people out of their life savings.

So, whereas the NYT sees it as good news that some children become inveterate liars at an early age, teaching a child to lie in the hopes he or she will become smarter as a result is not recommended. Unfortunately, today’s parenting culture seems to put a higher premium on a high IQ than it does morality. Consider that one regularly sees bumper stickers advertising children’s academic achievements – you know, that “My Child Is an Honor Student at Cutabove Academy” thing, but none that publicize children’s moral sturdiness, as in, “My Child May Not Be the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer, But She Is Polite and Hard-Working.” How many parents do you know who have enrolled their kids in after-school tutoring in manners? It would appear that a good number of today’s parents are more concerned with achievement than character.

The New York Times piece also mentions research finding that punishment does not deter, much less rehabilitate, most childhood liars. That’s consistent with my experience. The thrill of getting away with a lie seems to greatly outweigh any possibility of negative consequences. The same researchers recommend what they term positive messaging – emphasizing the benefits of honesty rather than threatening punishment. That certainly won’t hurt, but I’m skeptical of its long-term value.

I don’t think any one solution fits all kids, but here’s an interesting story: Two parents once told me they successfully fought fire with fire. They began lying about everything and anything – what was for dinner, what movie they were going to, that they were going to raise his allowance – to their nine-year-old aspiring sociopath. No morality lectures, mind you, simply lie after lie after lie. This went on for several weeks before he “got it” and begged them to stop. They did, promising more of the same if he relapsed. He’s been lie-free for three years now.

Your great-grandparents called it “reverse psychology.” They were right about most things parenting.

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art
fashion
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tourism
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car
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movies
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business
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fashion
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travel
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fitness
health
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Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
catering
health
Yoga
Classic cars
evaluation
technique
transact
Classic cars
technique
transact
business
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
travel
hygiene
markets
medical
Motor car
Real estate
animation
Motor car
Science and technology
tutorial
Street fashion
Big data
Fashion show
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
Reduce weight
Street fashion
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
Classic cars
Classic cars
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
Small tools
The recipe
Motor car
Science and technology
catering
health
Lose weight
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
business
fashion
fitness health
lifestyle
news
Small tools
Street fashion
The recipe
travel
Motor car
Real estate
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
hygiene
Motor car
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Motor car
Science and technology
Street fashion
Big data
Fashion show
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl < Reduce weight
Street fashion
Fitness equipment
fitness
nutrition
Nutritious food
routine
training
video
Yoga
art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
hygiene
industry
invest
markets
medical
Motor car
Real estate
technique
animation
car
games
Motor car
movies
music
news
Science and technology
tutorial
business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
Big data
business
Fashion show
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
catering
health
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
Fitness equipment
routine
training
video
Yoga
Classic cars
evaluation
technique
transact
Classic cars
technique
transact
business
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
travel
animation
car
games
Motor car
movies
music
news
Science and technology
tutorial
John Rosemond

Family psychologist John Rosemond is America’s most widely-read parenting expert. Learn more about John at www.rosemond.com

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