In a world overwhelmed with advice—from social media, grandparents, friends, and more—it can be hard to know what truly matters in parenting. After more than 25 years of experience as both a parent and clinician, I’ve come to believe that nearly all parenting challenges fall into three essential categories.
Focus on Task Completion.
Make sure your children follow through with what they’re asked to do.
For younger children, this means using physical, visual, and gestural prompts to guide them. For older children, it means staying present and checking that tasks are completed.
Parents often get sidetracked by a child’s emotional reaction to being asked to do something. When that happens, they either “give in” to avoid conflict or try to control their child’s emotions. Both approaches usually result in emotional and behavioral spirals that are hard to manage.
Instead, stay focused on task completion. This consistency helps raise confident, capable, and resilient adults.
Teach Permission-Seeking.
Help your children learn to stop, think, and communicate by teaching them to ask before acting. As soon as they can communicate, they should be expected to ask for what they want or need.
Many parents confuse entitlement with independence. Entitled children grab a snack from the kitchen; independent children ask first and wait for permission.
It’s normal and developmentally appropriate for children to get upset when told “no.” When you hold your ground, you’re building your child’s ability to handle frustration. A child who can effectively communicate wants and needs—and who can accept “no” without falling apart—is well-equipped to succeed in most settings.
See Problem Behaviors as Skill Deficits.
Most challenging behaviors aren’t signs of deep psychological issues—they’re signs that a skill is missing.
A child who tantrums after losing a game, bosses others around, or throws toys at bedtime isn’t broken. They just haven’t learned how to respond appropriately yet. Your role is to teach them the skills they’ll need to manage life as adults.
For example, a child who always loses their temper when losing a game needs practice. Play games daily. Before starting, act out appropriate ways to respond and let them practice. At first, they may scream or flip the board. But with repetition and support, they’ll learn to express frustration calmly and show sportsmanship.
Avoid tiptoeing around problem behaviors. Instead, lean in and teach the missing skills. Think about learning to write a name—it takes holding a pencil properly, sitting still, and forming letters. These skills are learned one step at a time through repetition and support. Behavior is no different.
When we know better, we do better. Watch for the skill your child lacks, then practice it—consistently—and encourage every effort and improvement.
As a parent, I,too, was swayed by well-meaning advice and pop psychology. My need for approval, desire for control, and discomfort with my children’s distress often got in the way of giving them what they truly needed.
Please learn from my experience. If you stay kind and honest—and stay focused on these three core areas—you’ll be far more effective in helping your children grow into the people they were meant to be.
Dr. Beth Long received her education in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Beth has worked in six unique clinical environments across the country and currently owns Works of Wonder Therapy in Montgomery. Beth utilizes the knowledge from a variety of different disciplines to give her patients the best care possible. To learn more visit www.worksofwondertherapy.com.
